CMT Music Awards Review

CMT Music Awards

            Guess what, the CMT music awards were mostly wrong. They didn’t get it all wrong, but its shooting under 50% from the field. First off, its “fan voted” which is fine, but you’re telling me the fans didn’t vote Morgan Wallen into a single award? You’re telling me the fans didn’t want to see Hardy perform? CMT stands for Country Music Television and while they had their moments, I don’t think that’s true anymore. Let’s break down the CMT awards for all you need to know.

The Goods

Kelsea Ballerini’s Monologue

            Anytime a tragedy happens, there are no answers on how to handle it. Kelsea delivered. The monologue was spot on. Kelsea did a great job holding back tears in dedicating the show to the kids that were killed by a deranged shooter. The CMT awards knew they had to deliver an event paying homage to the terrible murders of children, while also keeping it moving, they did just that, good Kelsea, and good job CMT.

Blake Shelton being a Jackass.

            I don’t know why, but Blake’s performance starting out slower than he expected made me laugh. Him starting out saying I can’t see you Austin was classic Blake. His performance of “No Body” was spot on. Still, him just being classic Blake Shelton was hilarious, and a great start to follow-up Kelsea’s otherwise realistic but sad start to the CMT awards.

Ashley McBryde and Wynonna

The performance was good don’t get me wrong. Ashley looks good. I always loved Ashley as the tatted up badass who popped up at award shows. Now though, its skinny Ashely McBryde. I’m an overweight balding white dude, so all I can say is damnnnnnnn Ashley. She looks really good skinny. I’m happy for Ashley for losing weight, and her singing is still spot on for what we expect of her.

Carrie Underwood

            Carrie can sing the alphabet and it would be a #1 hit. She performed “I Hate My Heart” and it was amazing. Carrie can’t do any wrong, and her wrong performance of a country song proved that.

Lainey Wilson

            That ass. I mean Lainey can sing. She performed… a song and I loved looking at her… listening to it. Nah I mean Lainey singing “Heart Like a Truck” of course was hot…  I mean good. Go look at… I mean listen to the Beats Beer Bonfires 2023 Female Artist of the Year and tell me she shouldn’t win. Lainey is going to change country women for music in a way that hasn’t been seen since Carrie Underwood and “huge gulp” Taylor Shit (Swift?) Either way, Lainey is a stud and about to rule country music for a long time.

Cody Johnson

            I mean what can I say. Was the awards show in Texas? It was. Cody Johnson. Is Cody Johnson the biggest name out of Texas ever? Yes? Cody Jonson. CoJo can sing, and the CMT upper management sucked him off for all of it. He won an award, he sung twice, and he was CoJo. That’s all I have to say about that.

The Bads

Tyler Hubbard

            I mean, what the fuck are we doing here? Do we need to fill the Florida Georgia Line gap with a half a member of the band? I’d rather hear Brian Kelly. Not to be an asshole, but Mickey Guyton, Morgan Wallen, or Luke Combs would’ve been all better uses of my time. Can’t get them? How about Ernest, Hardy, Midland, or a singer IN YOUR BUILDING?!?!?!?!?! Fuck outta here CMT.

Gary Clark Jr.

I’m not sure who this is… moving on.

Carly Pearce

Idk I’m kinda over the Carly Pearce-Michael Ray breakup. I get it, he might’ve cheated on you? He’s an asshole? Sure, whatever you say. Maybe he’s an asshole, but I’m over it. Fine, you’re going to do a cover with someone else, that’s fantastic! Oh, its Gwen Stefani… ok. Carly is way better than this country music. Stop using her name and start using her actual talent. That’s all I got.

Texas Country Music

            Well, the event was in Texas, right? So naturally Randy Rodgers Band, Aaron Watson, and Wade Bowen attended right? No? Fuck Aaron Watson was at a Taylor Swift concert. If you’re going to pretend to care about country music than ask country music artists to attend. Wade Bowen, Casey Donahew? I’m super happy Jelly Roll won, but maybe mix in Jelly with these other guys? Oh wait, they are all grinding in the fields while Kelsea and Kane are getting their hair done.


            I’d probably give this award a 2/10. That’s probably singularly because of Jelly Roll winning. The show was a 2, and that’s only because Jelly Roll and Cody Johnson carried it. Let Ernest, Hardy, and the big hitters like Luke Combs and Morgan Wallen into the show and that changes. Kelsea’s monologue was a great start, but after that it went downhill. If I was in charge? Wallen, Combs, Hardy? CoJo rocked, but maybe some Watson, Randy Rogers, ect? What do I know but if you’re going to celebrate being in Texas celebrate Texas? That’s why I’m not in charge of the awards.