10 Country Artists Who Like to Party

            Let’s fucking go. What country artist do you want to get fucked up with? In the past, it was well documented that artists had major drinking and drug problems. Today that doesn’t seem to be the case because of PR people and all that stuff. Still, I can’t imagine that there are no fun partying country people in 2022. Saying that these are the 10 artists that would be the most fun to party with. I don’t have much evidence, but based on what artists put out on the gram. Without further ado, here is the list.

10. Riley Green

Fuck Riley Green and how perfect he is. He’s attractive, has the voice of an angel, hunts, and has amazing flow. Why wouldn’t you want to go out on the town with him? He will get all the ladies coming in flocks, and guys, can we blame them? My man seems like he is always sipping on something. Also, the fact that he’s still single all points to a Riley Green being a fun ass night.

9. Luke Combs

 I don’t know if Luke Combs is rowdy or not. Based on his past teaming up with Upchurch, plus his ability to shotgun a beer, I would have to say he is. On top of this, he has a solid posse around him. His wife is hot as fuck and I’m sure she has friends that are equally as attractive. I imagine that after a good show he can get fucked up and have a good time.

8. The Tim Montana/Michael Ray crew

  A little less known than others, Tim Montana is hilarious. If you follow his Instagram, you would see he is hilarious and I imagine he would be any less fun in person. Scrolling through his page, you see many photos of the long hair wildman rocking Pit Vipers, or kissing another dude because he lost a bet. He might also be sitting in a bathtub playing with toy cars and drinking… a lot. He also has hung out with ZZ Top leadman Billy F. Gibbons, Kid Rock, and Michael Ray.

 Speaking of Michael Ray, I’m not sure when exactly I flipped my opinion on his music, but I’m happy I did. His first album was on the pop side of country music, but his newer stuff is fantastic. He has a little bit of image repair to do because of his early stuff, but I could see him being very popular in the future. These guys combined, along with the legends mentioned above would be an insane night.

7. Ryan Upchurch

 So I will say this with a little caveat. Church isn’t much of a drinker and I’m not much of a smoker, so our particular types of partying might not match up perfectly. Saying that though, I can’t imagine an “on night” of Upchurch wanting to throw down is beatable by much. My man pretty much calls his shot and grinds his way to whatever he wants. I want to be a part of that, whether it’s going down to Broadway in Nashville or having some of the boys over to the house for a wild night in.

6. Justin Moore

  Justin admits that he isn’t the wild partier that he used to be. Still, I can’t imagine that on the right night he doesn’t have it in him. My guy passed out one night after recording his podcast under his desk. He has many times had to apologize for being too drunk. Justin and his tour manager, JR, have often talked about nights after the show being hammered and calling legends like Brantley Gilbert, Tracey Lawrence, and more after a show. I wouldn’t expect to wake up in a ditch on a night out with Justin, but I don’t think their’s anything wrong with that.

5. Dustin Lynch

  Dustin is like Riley Green in terms of he’s a good-looking dude who can sing and all that crap that girls love. In the past, he has had a few smoke showgirls in his life, although he is single at the moment. He seems like a chameleon, and that’s why he ranks so much higher than Riley Green. My man has done it all. He’s partied on a yacht in Marina Del Rey and chainsawed and cut trees down on his farm. That’s the guy I want to chill with, the guy who has been everywhere. I met Dustin Lynch one time. His ability to make a 30-second conversation seem like he finds you interesting is incredible.

4. Buck Commander boys

You might be asking who exactly the Buck Commander boys are. That’s a valid question. Country artists Luke Bryan, Jason Aldean, Tyler Farr, plus baseball players Tombo Martin, Ryan Langerhans, Adam LaRoche, and who could forget Willie Robinson make up the squad. First off, these guys have the highest net worth of anyone on the list. This means the best alcohol, the coolest experience, and the nicest stuff. Saying that I do have a caveat to that. I only have these guys this high if we are at deer camp. That eliminates the huge mansions, the nice cars, and all that shit. It forces these guys to be boys and chill with the boys. On their TV show, I’ve seen them pull crazy pranks like destroy rental cars, and often wake up hungover to get out to the stands. It would be a shit ton of fun.

3. Kid Rock

This man doesn’t need much of a description, does he? He’s Kid Rock. My man has out-partied the number 1 partiers on this list. He also put one of them behind bars unintentionally. Every celebrity ever has a wild story about partying at his house, or him partying somewhere. The rapper gone rocker gone country singer is someone I would expect to wake up cuddled up to like a tiger or some shit like that after partying with for the night.

2. Hank Williams Jr.

 Similar to Kid Rock, I would expect to die after one night with Hank. I would expect to walk up to the man, be handed a bottle of whiskey, and then wake up the next morning not remembering a fucking thing. But man, what a great few minutes of pounding that whiskey it would be.

1. Morgan Wallen/Hardy/Ernest

  So the boys get to number one because this is a combination of people I could actually hang with, plus the fun factor. Morgan Wallen’s parting habits have been well documented over the past few years. To be honest I don’t think he’s changed much since all the backlash, which is perfect. Hardy was arrested for smashing car windows not all that long ago. Ernest is out and about about his drugs and drinking habits. On the Theo Von podcast, “This Past Weekend,” he talked about how he spent most of the time hungover on the couch while the other two wrote “More than my Hometown.”

  I feel like most people would be in the same boat as me that these guys are the “party guys” on the current generation of country stars. Florida Georgia Line were the guys before, but since being wifed up they seem to have calmed down a little. I imagine these guys are fucking reckless, and will likely get you either arrested or very close to it.

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10 Artists Upchurch Should Team Up With

Obviously, it’s been no secret that Upchurch has made it his life mission to take down mainstream country. However, he had massive success teaming up with a country legend in Clay Walker. This got me thinking, who are other artists that Upchurch could team up with that would not only benefit him, but benefit both artists? I tried to pick artists who are wild cards or outlaws. Artists who failed at making it into the traditional country mold or have similar followings to Upchurch. Here are my picks.

10. Tyler Farr

            Tyler Farr came on strong, with “Redneck Crazy,” “Whiskey in My Water,” and “A Guy Walks into a Bar.” Then his career sort of went the wrong direction, and he hasn’t had a hit since. The thing with Farr though is that despite not having radio success in almost ten years, he still is relatively relevant. Currently he is on Night Train Records, Jason Aldean’s label under the Broken Bow umbrella. That might stop this from ever happening, but let’s look at why it could be good.

            Tyler Farr already has appeared on multiple songs with Colt Ford. “Chicks, Trucks, Beer” was on his first album, and “My Truck” was on Colt Ford’s “Love Hope Faith” album. Upchurch is definitely a less PC version of Ford, so it would be a step further than that sort of clean rap, but instead of fighting to be relevant to an entire country maybe try to become relevant in a new lane. Tyler Farr has always come across to me as a real redneck, so why not join Upchurch and appeal to that crowd?

9. Trey Lewis

            Anyone ever hear of “Dicked Down in Dallas?” Listen, if Trey Lewis can turn his success from this song into long term radio success, then good for him. But there isn’t much precedent for viral songs like this to the artist into radio success long term, but never say never. However, if Trey Lewis doesn’t make it on radio, why not dip back into what made him famous? Lewis and Upchurch in a room together could lead to hilarious music. “Dallas” will make Lewis have a career in music forever if he wants it, but I think aligning with underground country rap would help him with peak popularity.

8. Florida Georgia Line

            This will probably never happen, just saying it up front. However, the band that lead Nelly to put out a “country” EP could lead the charge in bringing country rap truly mainstream. I also think there’s a chance that Upchurch wouldn’t want to work with FGL, so that dynamic would be interesting, but I think they could make some magic. Imagine the heat that Upchurch could bring to “Cruise” if he was on it instead of Nelly. Just let that set in. Maybe I’m crazy, but I think this would be a sick combo.

7. Trace Adkins

            If it wasn’t for his newest album, Trace wouldn’t be on the list. However, since then he has released music with both Pitbull and Snoop Dogg. Trace has been a polarizing figure in country music for much of his career, but I don’t think he really gives a shit. “Honky Tonk Badonkadonk” is a song that will forever live in infamy as one of the weirdest jams in country music history. What does Trace have to lose by teaming with Upchurch?

            It would actually be perfect. Upchurch would gain because he would get another legit huge name on one of his songs. Although it isn’t Alan Jackson like he might prefer, Trace is a respected name that never really had his “countryness” doubted. It might be worth it for the two to go in together on a song.

6. Josh Thompson

            Thompson never really had radio success as an artist, but for anyone who knows his music, its fucking fantastic. I honestly think of him as Morgan Wallen, just ten years to early. After trying hard and being disrespected, he gave up and went into song writing. Recent songs to his credit include “One Margarita” “Drowns the Whiskey” “I’ll Name the Dogs” and “Ain’t Always the Cowboy” among many other hits. I think that he could write a good ole hit with Upchurch, something that mixes “Black Sheep” with some of his more country songs. Josh Thompson isn’t the household name that some of the other people on the list are, but I think the quality of this song would be better than anyone.

5. Kid Rock

            This is where the list turns into artists, I think who would be cool to team with Church to artists that I actually could see making it happen. Imagine the guy who helped get Morgan Wallen in trouble one time teaming with the guy who publicly said the Morgan Wallen drama was a bunch of bullshit. The guy who has been in trouble with the media at least 1,000 times, yet still has one of the best bars in the entire city of Nashville. The guy has a song called “Bawitdaba” where the first minute and a half he just yells his name. He also did the exact same thing Church did, going from rap to rock to country. He had a few hits like “All Summer Long” and “Picture.” I think a night of Upchurch and Kid Rock together would be great for Instagram as well. I think the rap song that would come out of these guys coming together would be fucking amazing.

4. Wheeler Walker Jr.

            This combination would be absolutely electric. The guy behind the songs, “Fuck You Bitch,” “Drop ‘Em Out” and “Eatin’ Pussy/Kickin’ Ass” combining with the guy behind songs like “Rolling Stoned.” I can only imagine what type of music would come out of these two smoking a bunch of weed and writing together. Wheeler Walker hasn’t had music out in a few years now, and, his next album will probably get him canceled the day its released, but it’ll be fantastic. The best thing about these guys is that they don’t give a shit about cancel culture. They aren’t trying to be offensive to anyone, but they don’t have a filter either and will say exactly what they feel. They are almost uncancelable however because of that, they are just going to keep coming back.

3. Craig Campbell

            I really think this is going to happen, and I think I created this if it does. Craig Campbell is the definition of having bad luck in his music career, yet he has managed to stay relevant because of his talent. His song “Keep them Kisses Coming” was on its way to #1 when his record label abruptly closed, and the song dropped off the chart. A few years later he released “Outskirts of Heaven” which was easily the best song of 2016, yet the radio deemed it “to country” and it didn’t gain radio traction.

            Backed by a new investor, Campbell has the freedom to pave his own career path. His new song “Never Mine” was sent to radio, but unfortunately since radio is just a bullshit record label game, it probably won’t get the airtime it deserves. Recently, Campbell teamed with Cypress Spring and Demun Jones on the song “Take Me Back” which is a fantastic country rap song. Campbell has done a number of other features on underground artists like Kristen Kelly and Justin Lee Partin.

            So why should an Upchurch combo come as a result of this? Upchurch recently teamed with another artist that feels like he is similar to Campbell at this stage of his career in Clay Walker. Walker had a few number ones in the 90s, and has had a fantastic career, but his newer music doesn’t sell the same as it did in his prime. I think Campbell also matches this and is a big enough name that it would bring attention to Upchurch’s music. Both artists could receive bumps from teaming up, plus I think the song that would come out of it would be fantastic.

2. Brantley Gilbert

            I don’t want a Church/Gilbert country song. Give me a Creeker 3 hard core rock song from these guys. Let’s be honest, no one turns to Gilbert to get a fix of traditional country music, we listen to him because he’s modern-day southern rock. I want to see the two guys just absolutely tear it up. Unfortunately, this will never happen, because of one name, Big Machine Records. Big Machine will never let Brantley do music with the guy who is trying to take them down, so this will have to be a dream that stays just that. If you want to get a fix of what it might sounds like, just play “Read Me My Rights” and “Hillbilly Psycho” at the same time, and then imagine a crossover.

1. Justin Moore

            This one was easy and let me spoil it by just repeating Big Machine Records with Justin as I did Brantley. But damn the song would be amazing. Upchurch regularly names Justin in his songs, “Hey Boy, Hey Girl” comes to mind. I think the fanbases between the two are very similar, so it would produce good numbers. Justin is only thirty-seven, so he probably has at least another eight years of relevance, but eventually the radio will move on. This could be a cash cow for Justin, turning into the biggest name that is willing to work with country rap artists. It makes a lot of sense for the two to come together, but unfortunately, like Gilbert, it’ll be a long time if it ever happens. If you want to hear this combo together, listen to “Black Sheep” with “Jesus and Jack Daniels.”

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2021 Bar Fight Bracket

Here we are, the first debate in Beats, Beer, and Bonfire’s history. We all know that it’s March, and everyone makes brackets for everything, so who are we to be an exception. Unlike other brackets, though, we do one that we think people will actually give a shit about. Country music singers should handle themselves at a bar, but most of them can’t. I don’t think that chart-toppers like Dan and Shay or Sam Hunt would throw hands in a bar, but the old-school rednecks of country music past are a totally different story. On top of not being country at all anyway, they are more Hollywood and pop than gritty country artists. I genuinely like all of the artists in this bracket, and I think they all make fantastic music, which was not a qualifier. If someone had listed Sam Hunt, he would be on the bracket, but obviously, no one thinks he is tough.

I made an Instagram poll and asked people who they thought would win a bar fight to start this bracket. Conveniently enough, 12 artists were nominated, so it was easy to put a bracket together. These artists come from different backgrounds, from more radio-focused names like Morgan Wallen and Tyler Farr to Texas country master Cody Johnson to rap artists Upchurch and Adam Calhoun. We even have women in the bracket, as Carrie Underwood might not be known as the toughest chick, but she did grow up on a farm and has mom instincts. I think that if any modern female artist got nominated, it would behave to be her.

The first round of the bracket had eight artists, while four artists had byes. This means round two had eight artists, round three had four, and round four was the finals. To determine the matchups each round, I put each artist’s name on a wheel. I then had another wheel with the appropriate number of numbers on it. I spun the wheel with the artist’s name, followed by the number. In round one, numbers one through four received the byes into round two. Then in the following rounds, the wheel was spun again. I went through all of this trouble because I wanted it to be random and unbiased throughout the tournament. It also led to some exciting matchups, which can be seen below.

Round 1

Round 1 featured some exciting matchups and a few upsets right off the bat. The artists that received byes were Brantley Gilbert, Trace Adkins, Trey Lewis, and Cody Johnson. Artists like Gilbert and Adkins are favorites in this tournament and didn’t really need help. However, Trey Lewis, who isn’t a household name, and Cody Johnson, who isn’t nearly as physically big as some other contenders, might have benefited from the early advantage. The rest of the matchups are as follows…

Carrie Underwood 28% vs. Hank Williams Jr. 72%

           The first matchup, Underwood vs. Williams Jr, I didn’t think would be much of a discussion. I think Carrie Underwood might have gotten a boost against most people due to being the lone female, but it’s hard to vote against a legend. The one argument that could be made is that Carrie Underwood is a super athletic 38-year-old, and Hank is 71 years old who has spent more of his life at a bar than at a gym. Personally, I would expect Underwood to be able to beat Hank. Still, I didn’t expect the majority to agree with me. At the end of the day, Hank Williams Jr. took this matchup by a considerable margin. I think we will see the trend throughout this tournament that people are voting on legends like they are in their prime. That isn’t necessarily the way I intended this bracket to go. Still, at the same time, I didn’t really make rules, so it was up to interpretation. 

Morgan Wallen 81% vs Tyler Farr 19%

           In my opinion, the first upset of the tournament, I expected Tyler Farr would take Morgan Wallen down. Honestly, if this fight actually happened, I would still expect Farr to win. Still, Morgan Wallen has a considerable following, so I think his fans stepped up this round. Not that I don’t think Morgan Wallen is a tough dude, and I’m sure he has been in a bar fight or two in the past based on his drinking habits, but I don’t think he would beat Farr. Regardless my opinion doesn’t matter. The people have spoken, so Morgan Wallen will move on round to, and really the voting wasn’t even close.

Adam Calhoun 51% vs. Toby Keith 49%

           In the best matchup of round one, Adam Calhoun was pitted up against the man who admits he is only as good once as he ever was, Toby Keith. Adam Calhoun has gone to jail for aggravated assault, which I would’ve assumed gave Calhoun a massive advantage, but I was wrong. Toby Keith made it close, and for about 22 of the 24 hours, the two went back and forth; in hour 23, they were tied. At the last minute, one final person gave Adam Calhoun the nod. This was a crazy close poll, and I hope this isn’t the last one like this. 

Randy Houser 37% vs. Ryan Upchurch 63%

           The final matchup started very similar to the Calhoun vs. Keith matchup. Both of them were back and forth,  as I would check one minute and see Upchurch winning, but the next minute Randy Houser would pull ahead. However, about halfway through, Upchurch started to pull away from Houser. I think physically, I would take Randy Houser, but Upchurch just has a dog in him that I think would overcome Houser. Again in a super close pull, the general public agreed with me as Upchurch pulled ahead and moved onto round two.

Round 2

           Round two saw every artist who received a bye in round one facing off against a last-round winner. I think that we might see some close matchups again. Looking at these matchups, I believe I know who would win in real life, but this isn’t reality, and the underdogs with big fanbases have been showing up. Also, Adam Calhoun himself voted on all of these polls, so we will let you know what he voted as we go. Without further ado, round 2 results… 

Cody Johnson 31% vs. Hank Williams Jr. 69%

           The Texas cowboy went up again, Bocephus, and based on the last round, I wasn’t surprised by the outcome. I voted for CoJo because, again, he’s a 33-year-old cowboy going up against a 71-year-old legend who, let’s be honest, isn’t exactly in fighting shape. However, like I’ve said before and will probably say again, I didn’t make rules, and I think many people are picking Hank Jr. in his prime, so that is why he took down Cody Johnson. As for Adam Calhoun, he was on the winning side as he voted Hank Jr. to win.

Trey Lewis 21% vs. Adam Calhoun 79%

           This is an interesting one, and not because of the results. This is the first poll so far is the first time that BOTH of the guys voted for themselves. Trey Lewis and Adam Calhoun each picked themselves to win, which led me to put up a poll asking them if it was time to put on the gloves. Neither replied to that, which is a little unfortunate, but probably better off for Lewis. I still am siding with the guy who literally has gotten arrested for aggravated assault, and I think that I will until the end. Most people agreed with me, and Calhoun moves onto the semifinals.

Morgan Wallen 38% vs. Brantley Gilbert 62%

           This is the matchup that I was the most nervous about. I think everyone knows who would win the fight. Brantley Gilbert would absolutely dominate Morgan Wallen. I’m sorry, Morgan, I like you, but damn son, you would go down. I think that Wallen still was being voted on by fans, but it just isn’t happening. Adam Calhoun agrees with me, as he voted for Gilbert as well. Brantley Gilbert will be moving on into the semifinals, and I think he has a legitimate shot at making the finals.

Ryan Upchurch 53% vs. Trace Adkins 47%

           Last round, Upchurch and Randy Houser were both close for a lot of the poll, until closer to the end when Upchurch pulled away and took a commanding lead. This one was almost the opposite of when Upchurch was out to a massive lead before Trace came surging back. However, it was too little too late, as Upchurch held off the charge and won this fight. Adam Calhoun had his boys back, so he ended up picking perfectly this round.

Round 3

           I don’t expect this round to produce any close results. Nothing against Upchurch, but I think that people realize that Calhoun is just a physically bigger human, which will propel him to the win. On the other side, Hank Jr. has taken out Carrie Underwood and Cody Johnson, who aren’t exactly known for putting off fighter vibes. I think that if we don’t see a Brantley Gilbert, Adam Calhoun finale, it would be a shock. However, I don’t want to count out Hank Williams Jr.

Ryan Upchurch 54% vs. Adam Calhoun 46%

           Well, I guess I got the first part of my shocker. When I went to bed last night, Calhoun was leading Upchurch by a few votes. I wasn’t ready to call it, but when I woke up, and the lead changed, I was shocked. Upchurch received a streak of at least ten votes in a row, which took him from down four to up six votes. I would be interested to see this fight in real life because as much as I love Upchurch, I wouldn’t be putting money on him. Maybe this came down to a popularity contest a little bit, but that’s the risk you run with a public poll. Well, congratulations are in order for Ryan Upchurch and welcome to the finals.

Brantley Gilbert 38% vs. Hank Williams Jr. 62%

           The other matchup, and the other upset, in my opinion, in the semifinals. Again, just like the first matchup, Brantley Gilbert led for well over half of the time. However, Hank overcame Gilbert last night and into this morning to move onto the finals. I personally looked at this bracket like it was a 71-year-old man vs. Brantley Gilbert, but I think most people were voting for vintage Hank, and he took it. The final round will feature a legend and the biggest name in country rap.

The Finals

           It all comes down to this. Two men have bested the other ten artists in the bracket. Upchurch had the tougher road to get here and really never beat anyone by a large margin. He took down Randy Houser, Trace Adkins, and Adam Calhoun in his path to the finals. On the other hand, this might be Hanks’s biggest challenge, as he had Carrie Underwood, Cody Johnson, and Brantley Gilbert. The first two aren’t exactly known for their hillbilly bar fight vibes, so it wasn’t much of a shocker that he went past them. Brantley Gilbert was my favorite in the previous matchup, but Hank proved that he still has the following to pass the artist. I’m excited to see this final round, I would have to say Upchurch has the edge, but I have slept on Hank enough and don’t want to anymore. I think it is a 50-50 tossup but let’s see how it goes!

Ryan Upchurch 33% vs. Hank Williams Jr. 67%

           I can’t say I’m surprised by the result, but I can say the split was much bigger than I expected. I expected this to be at least a 45 to 55 percent amount, but Hank didn’t even give Upchurch a chance. From the beginning to the end, Hank took a quick lead and never looked back. With that being said, congratulations on Hank Williams Jr. on being the first-ever Beats Beer and Bonfires Bar Fight Champion!

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